Lazy Graduate Syndrome

  • I am done! No more lectures, dissertations, coursework or presentations!
  • It’s real. I am going into hibernation mode. I won’t do anything for a year. I’ll play ‘The lazy song’ by Bruno Mars on repeat.
  • I could so get used to this, it’s not even funny. It’s scary how little ambition I have considering I have spent three years of my life trying to up my chances to get a good career.

  • I finally have a social life again, I didn’t realise I had this many contacts on my phone.
  • Drink. Come home late. Sleep off the hangover. Rinse and Repeat.
  • The money is starting to run out, I thought savings last forever.
  • Time to get applying.
  • I was hoping to put this off as long as possible.
  • I thought life was one big party?
  • Was that Gandhi who said that?
  • Probably not.
  • Why would Gandhi say that?
  • How impressive would it be if I knew actual Gandhi quotes?
  • I only know ‘Keeping up with the Kardashian’ quotes
  • Monotone Kourtney is hilarious
  • I spent years trying to make myself smarter and I spent months emptying my brain out again and I am just having the weirdest thoughts.
  • Shouldn’t become a problem as long as I don’t voice them.
  • Anyway, let’s update that CV.
  • This is so boring; I don’t remember what I got for my GCSEs! Am I actually expected to remember that?
  • I’ll have to dig out those results from the attic
  • This is going to be a long day
  • Oh my god! Look at all this crap I hid in the attic!
  • Oh man, I love the notes we wrote each other at school
  • I am just too good at procrastinating.
  • My CV looks a little sad. Is it supposed to be half a page?
  • Maybe I can just increase the font size?
  • Okay, that’s a little better. How about making it BOLD, so it really stands out?
  • Yea maybe not, this looks like the CV from hell.
  • Google is not making this easier; there are too many templates to choose from.
  • Wait, you can pay people to do it for you?
  • Let me get my credit card(s).
  • Oh great, they do Cover letters too. Two birds.
  • This CV makes me look like I can actually do adult-y stuff. Surreal.
  • I think adulting is all about making small actions look like you moved mountains.
  • That was by extension what Uni was; make simple ideas look super complicated by using Synonyms.
  • Wasn’t that what Joey from Friends did?
  • Only then, they still referred to it as a thesaurus, not synonyms
  • Both are a mouthful.
  • It only makes sense.
  • So I will just google ‘journalist’
  • 5 Years of required experience?
  • Let me google…’Trainee’ or ‘entry level’
  • Starting salary 15k? When my sister was applying 5 years ago starting salaries were in their 20s!
  • Is this what everyone keeps referring to when they talk about ‘the declining economy’?
  • I totes get economics now.
  • Rather than taking an economics degree, just apply for jobs in 2017
  • Teaches you more about our economy than a degree does
  • I don’t actually know what economics is
  • Do I care enough to define it on google?
  • I have decided; I do not.
  • I know the mother from How I met Your Mother took economics
  • She was trying to end poverty
  • What a noble cause
  • That makes me seem like a selfish prick because I just want money for myself
  • Like a Jacuzzi or a Lambo
  • Yea right
  • Way to think realistically
  • Why are some applications so long? I thought a CV and cover letter is plenty, that’s why I paid for it.
  • Are you telling me it’s outdated now?
  • Jeez Louise, they want all the information that is on my CV. Just take my CV God dammit
  • Oh so after filling in an online form for an hour I can upload my CV now?
  • I will punish you by not uploading one.
  • You better care.
  • This application took too long, I’ll do more tomorrow.
  • Here we are again.
  • I think I’ve applied for all available job agencies and job websites ever.
  • My email inbox is depressing me with the number of job application confirmations and lack of responses
  • Cleared the son of a bitch.
  • Crap, I might have deleted important stuff.
  • Thank God, they are still in my trash.
  • Sorting through what to delete is going to take me at least an hour.
  • I wonder what my oldest email is in my inbox?
  • 2006? Holy crap. I was a baby then.
  • Well no, I was 13.

  • Oh god, this is so cringe, I thought I was a real badass.
  • Seriously, it’s a wonder I know how to spell now considering all that text language
  • I guess technically I don’t have to know how to spell these days
  • Thank you, Microsoft Word.
  • Wow, I feel oddly satisfied. My email inbox is clean.
  • Satisfied, considering this was a waste of time.
  • Oh wait; there is also the sent box.
  • I’ll continue tomorrow.
  • Okay seriously, no interviews yet?
  • I really need some income
  • I’ve been eating because of the frustration and now I gained a ton
  • I want to work it off.
  • I need a Gym membership
  • For which I need money.
  • Which gets me stressed even more
  • So I eat more.
  • Okay, I see the cycle.
  • You know what, I’ll apply for some random retail job for the meantime
  • Just for the money.
  • Seriously Primark? Not even you?
  • You don’t even give your employees staff discounts!
  • How can I not be good enough for you?
  • I drunk emailed my lecturer complaining about the job market
  • She says I need to get experience
  • I didn’t want to do this
  • I’ll do unpaid internships
  • They don’t care that I have to ask my mum for money at the age of 23
  • Interviews for unpaid gigs are so informal
  • Loving it
  • I always giggle to myself when they ask why I applied for the job
  • Do they ever believe the little monologues we prepare about world justice?
  • It’s money dude.
  • That’s why anyone does anything ever.
  • I am taking this unpaid job to get a paid job
  • I wonder why that is not a satisfactory answer
  • It’s honest, isn’t it?
  • That should be sought after more than experience
  • So this is what it feels like to have an (unpaid) job.
  • Finally, I can add that to my CV
  • It only takes up about 3 lines.
  • I spent 3 months of my life working for free to fill in 3 lines on my CV?
  • Where’s my Ben&Jerrys?

If you enjoyed this little (or rather long) monologue, please hit the like and give us a follow!

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Lazy Graduate Syndrome

Add yours

    1. Haha yep. You want to bang your head against the wall when you read those job postings. Something great will come up for sure though, it’s almost a waiting game.

      Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed 🙂

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

Cake By the Ocean

No oceans, maybe some cakes, definitely music, and all my passions

Honest K

Masking insecurities with humour and sarcasm since 1987

Life Calls

Life is random and always changing

Tan M Butler

A novelist storytelling the train of thought

What Living Taught Me

Observing makes me curious and curiosity makes me a Learner. This Blog Admires Motivation

The Insomnian (Jayren Fryn)

When it's spoken it can be timeless- The written word is Immortality

Just-in-general

Be inspired. Be you.

Life On Planet Earth

Exist.Explore.Enjoy.

Darwinian Mystics: Book of the North

The mind is a powerful thing.

Fitness & health

Marina Vončina

Evelina

by Evelina Di Lauro

%d bloggers like this: