Guarding yourself is the expectation of betrayal and disappointment and an attempt to protect oneself against it. becoming ‘guarding’ works as it is meant to – you’re getting rid of potential suffering before it has a chance to manifest. This however also means that people would be able to connect with you will take the easier option of tapping out rather than take the time and effort to penetrate those walls.
Experiences are our teachers, some of them are complete assholes and so you choose a passive-aggressive conclusion, knowing it’s not the right one. If you just barricade yourself and shoot new experiences in the leg, you won’t learn anything at all. Your last lesson will have been a problematic one, one that led to the end of any learning anything to the contrary. Your experience is skewed, as are the lessons you learned.
It’s cynicism. Suspicion of one’s intentions. The road that led you to this destination must have been a painful one. And while you can entertain the thought, heck you can even implement it for a little while, it holds no future, at least not a happy one. In time, you’ll have to lower that guard, take that risk and be open to the uncertainty.
Retrospection will be a bitch because you’ll come face to face with regrets of failing to have done so. Don’t let those regrets build. Mistakes of omission weigh far heavier than active mistakes. Don’t allow a handful of experiences to ruin new ones, ones with potential. I mean when we’re grey and old, all we’ll be left with are stories and the lessons learned; what the hell are you going to ramble about when you’re sitting in a care home, having never been through your share?