Tough Love?

On how many of you does the tough love approach work? Though love for me works wonders. Mainly because it has a humongous chunk of logic infused within this approach. It gives no room for sulking and self-pity; two emotions that annoy me the most.

The issue is I then expect others to be just as receptive to this way of counselling as I am. Instead, I am met with complete and utter failure. Let me generalise; people who are very sensitive will probably not enjoy this particular approach.

I enjoy the concept because it demands you to take responsibility for yourself. For those who look at it right, this is empowering as opposed to accusatory.

I find facts liberating and emotions often act as a huge barrier.

Let’s be direct

Tough love is straight talk. It gets to the point. There is no mattress waiting for you for the jump, you hit the ground as you’re supposed to, feel the impact and learn.

Over the years I’ve learned of course that 95% of people need the mattress. I have become good at establishing just how big and squishy it should be, depending on the individual.

I can tell from someone’s glazed look the second they get critiqued, that it’s time to backtrack and add another layer.

Why do I hate self-pity? I look at my younger self (5 years ago) and I just hate how much time I spent wasting by wallowing in it. It’s the self-retrospection that gifted me with this insight. So, of course, I try to impart some wisdom to prevent others from wasting their time and emotions as I did.

Laziness - not dealing with it

Tough Love resonates

I will take an egocentric bastard over someone with poor self-esteem any day.

The whole ‘JUST DO IT’ thing by Shia LaBeouf resonated because more times than not, you’ll feel like yelling that to your friend who isn’t dumping their asshole boyfriend or gold digger, girlfriend. Who isn’t applying for jobs from fear of rejection? Who isn’t standing up for herself at work?  Just do it indeed.

If you find someone blaming everything around them, anything in sight that can even remotely take responsibility for someone’s failures, it’s because this train of thought was never challenged by them. So they find it easy to blame their parents for having severe attachment issues, or blame high-level politics for your depression. Blame the lack of quality friends, blame your neighbours, blame the economy. Never though have they considered looking within themselves and finding out what they themselves can do to take as much control over their lives as they possibly can.

I believe that someone’s mind can be so fucked up, kind, gentle waffle achieves little. Sometimes you need a shock to the system and an unpleasant one at that. It comes in the form of tough love. Now if it’s someone who is and always has been thinking logically and realistically, they probably aren’t in need for one of those but people who have grown to their clouded self-judgement may do. Maybe not.


12 thoughts on “Tough Love?

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  1. I think that tough love can do great things if the person is strong enough to accept it. However, people with depression and other serious mental ilnesses at their worst stages would definitely need to be handled very carefully. However, I do relate strongly to the feeling of wasted many a month in self-pity but then again who knows maybe I wasn’t strong enough yet to take the other approach back then?

    Anyway, interesting topic choice 🙂

    1. Yeah, I can totally understand how many people (especially writers) wouldn’t feel the same way as I do. More often than not, as a group, we can be a sensitive lot but I guess I’ll always opt for the direct message than the trickle down one. But again, it is very rare that someone is receptive to this so I completely hear you on that. I don’t even think it’s a ‘ready’ thing, it either speaks to you or it doesn’t and that’s perfectly fine. I would never want to force someone to be receptive to a way of handling things that they aren’t. People are different, and that’s awesome. Thanks for your thoughts!

  2. Well in my case I’d definitely say it was a ‘ready’ thing because I always used to push away this tough love and get offended and not listen to the advice given but now I feel like I can handle it and I am very willing to hear constructive criticism if it will help me change for the better. But then again it’s very subjective I think 🙂

  3. I think if you are a true friend, you will tell it like it is even if it’s not what the person wants to hear. As long as it’s coming from a good place and you accept that they may not be ready to hear it. And if they still can’t get out of their own way, you have to decide how much of your energy you are going to continue to spend trying to get them to see the light. Nice post!

    1. Yeah I think that might be a good reason as to why I find it so difficult to bite my tongue, it comes from a place of wanting to help. It’s too bad if sometimes that doesn’t connect.

      Really loved your insight! Thank you!

  4. I think tough love only works with people who are already in a state of mind to accept whatever change they are looking for. It’s like quitting smoking – you can tell someone to quit over and over again but until they are ready, they never will regardless of the approach you take.

  5. Absolutely love the post and agree. Tough love is necessary it holds people accountable. Not dealing with the problems we face only creates layers of sheets on top of the mattress you metaphorically decribe.

  6. Thanks for sharing and I agree with you to an extent – the person receiving the tough love also has to have enough insight and knowledge of themselves to be able to gain positives from it. Thanks also for the ‘like’ on my post/ blog – peace and blessings! 🙂

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