On how many of you does the tough love approach work? Though love for me works wonders. Mainly because it has a humongous chunk of logic infused within this approach. It gives no room for sulking and self-pity; two emotions that annoy me the most.
The issue is I then expect others to be just as receptive to this way of counselling as I am. Instead, I am met with complete and utter failure. Let me generalise; people who are very sensitive will probably not enjoy this particular approach.
I enjoy the concept because it demands you to take responsibility for yourself. For those who look at it right, this is empowering as opposed to accusatory.
I find facts liberating and emotions often act as a huge barrier.
Let’s be direct
Tough love is straight talk. It gets to the point. There is no mattress waiting for you for the jump, you hit the ground as you’re supposed to, feel the impact and learn.
Over the years I’ve learned of course that 95% of people need the mattress. I have become good at establishing just how big and squishy it should be, depending on the individual.
I can tell from someone’s glazed look the second they get critiqued, that it’s time to backtrack and add another layer.
Why do I hate self-pity? I look at my younger self (5 years ago) and I just hate how much time I spent wasting by wallowing in it. It’s the self-retrospection that gifted me with this insight. So, of course, I try to impart some wisdom to prevent others from wasting their time and emotions as I did.
Tough Love resonates
I will take an egocentric bastard over someone with poor self-esteem any day.
The whole ‘JUST DO IT’ thing by Shia LaBeouf resonated because more times than not, you’ll feel like yelling that to your friend who isn’t dumping their asshole boyfriend or gold digger, girlfriend. Who isn’t applying for jobs from fear of rejection? Who isn’t standing up for herself at work? Just do it indeed.
If you find someone blaming everything around them, anything in sight that can even remotely take responsibility for someone’s failures, it’s because this train of thought was never challenged by them. So they find it easy to blame their parents for having severe attachment issues, or blame high-level politics for your depression. Blame the lack of quality friends, blame your neighbours, blame the economy. Never though have they considered looking within themselves and finding out what they themselves can do to take as much control over their lives as they possibly can.
I believe that someone’s mind can be so fucked up, kind, gentle waffle achieves little. Sometimes you need a shock to the system and an unpleasant one at that. It comes in the form of tough love. Now if it’s someone who is and always has been thinking logically and realistically, they probably aren’t in need for one of those but people who have grown to their clouded self-judgement may do. Maybe not.