Clinging onto memories

What creates cynicism?

Age, for one. A better word for it would be experience. Interactions, burned bridges, and the disparity between what is being said and the hypocritical actions that follow.

I have long made an effort to cease saying things you ought to say and a certain point in time just because you are supposed to.

‘It’s so nice to see you, I’ve missed you, we should meet up sometime’.

Is it nice to see them? Just awkward. Did you miss them? You forgot about their existence. Do you want to meet them again? No.

We say it because on some level we believe that’s how we ought to feel. Because a long time ago, there was something there that the both of you treasured and that by now has completely dissipated. You have already accepted it’s gone, but acting like it seems heartless. It seems like you are undermining those memories and are unappreciative of the many you have collected, treasured and loved.

We are human however, while we sometimes enjoy immersing ourselves in our memories for some short-term relief, the present is a far more powerful force to be reckoned with. It comes with the offensive power of relevance. Those memories are no longer relevant to the here and now. Memories are not a reason to extend a relationship that has long trickled dry and when you do so anyway, you give birth to cynicism. The presence is a bitchy reminder that life keeps moving at the steady pace it always has, regardless of how often you duck out of it.

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