Neglect – I’ve seen it time and time again. Be it romantic relationships, friendships or even familial bonds – we fall into the spiral of neglect. I’ll be truthful, I’ve been known to neglect – I can behave like absolute trash. I’ve also been on the receiving end.
While attention is the purest form of generosity, neglect digs deep. If you are at the receiving end, know that something’s got to give. Waiting around, hoping that they will notice your absence or miss you is a colossal waste of time. If someone doesn’t innately miss you, when your absence has no bearing on them, you can’t tell them to miss you. You can’t tell them they ought to miss you. You can’t tell someone to feel something they just don’t.
The impact of neglect
Rather than arguing your way in and force feeding them your presence, it’s high-time you stop trying; just take control. Not simply because it’s clearly not wanted but it’ll give you a sense of relief when you pull back, and it’s not just about irrationally building walls. This constant unrequited shovelling of feelings damages you far more than it does the recipient. It damages your self-esteem and you are hanging your happiness onto someone who clearly isn’t treating it with care.
Whatever the case may be, chances are your relationship used to be a strong one – hence the high expectations you now hold. But people change. Situations, time, age, surroundings, they all change said people, including you. This is to the extent where no one can expect how and to what degree. Your loved one may be fucking you over with a sort of dismissal of your existence, but rather than doubling down on attempts to get them to reach you halfway, you’re better off taking a U-turn and focusing your valuable attention onto something worthy.
Think about yourself
I’ve seen too much time wasted by good people on those who aren’t. On those who are distracted or those that simply don’t hold you in as high regard as you do them. In time though, pulling back will give you space to accept this change. Heck, you might even find retrospection gives you closure and a sense of peace when you turn around and are able to appreciate what you had rather than feel saddened at the fact that you no longer have it. While not all of life’s great relationships fall prey to the ‘what goes up must come down’, many do. There are situations that call on you to fight to maintain a previous status quo but fighting for someone who simply lacks feelings towards you is not worth your fighting spirit.