Covid 19 and your stupid brain

It’s safe to say that these last few weeks (and months for some around the globe) have been just fucking bizarre. Going from a place of perfect normalcy and let’s face it, complacency to turning the whole situation into a real-life version of ‘contagion’.

And suddenly you dust off your primal instincts which have been gathering dust in the last few decades and you replenish your supplies of fear and your ‘survival instinct’ (which lead to the infamous TP disaster). 

Quarantine is not normal. Choosing to stay inside because you’re an introvert and simply preferring to watch anime all day is a TOTALLY LEGITIMATE LIFESTYLE THANK YOU VERY MUCH but it’s with the acute awareness that if you did decide to spend the day outside, you could. But when self-isolation suddenly becoming the mandate – time spent at home doesn’t quite feel like it used to. The four walls around you may just feel a little more claustrophobic than comforting. 

Do you know what the most annoying thing is? Unless you believe in the theory that Covid 19 is a man-made bioweapon, there’s nothing substantial you can point your finger at and hate. It’s impossible to personify and therefore villainize a fucking piece of code. A virus is a thing with no brain or intention, no evil cackle or plans of world dominion – even if that’s exactly what it’s ultimately doing. 

So if you’ve had some time alone with your thoughts, which seems more likely with the quarantine, you’re finding out that your brain is a pain in the ass and is taking you to some dark places. 

In this case, though, I don’t think it is necessarily paranoia alone, but it’s your brain instinctively trying to prepare you for the worst. So that if the worst does happen, that somehow, by having run through the situation in your mind (i.e. the prepping stage) you may be able to better cope with it if it does come to pass. And the truth is, mine delves into diluted forms of nihilism. I’d like to say it’s the kind of nihilism that eases the weight as opposed to make you all cynical and dark and an absolute pain to be around (which doesn’t help if others are confined with your sorry ass).

Nihilism in itself is the assumption that life is meaningless which has never been quite my philosophy, but if you follow it down to some of its logical conclusions and mix it with a sprinkle of Buddhist acceptance, it’ll lead you to ‘whatever happens, happens’. I feel confident in this when it comes to my own mortality, but I’ll jump ship and embrace becoming a fully-fledged hypocrite the second it comes to my loved ones and will disavow nihilism in a second. I’m trying to work on it, so I can find monk-like understanding in something as natural as the concept of mortality even when it comes to losing people I love. 

I feel this fusion of nihilism and Buddhism is a better way to go then Darwinism which at this point in time leads to some dumbass buying 18000 bottles of sanitizer and price gouging the hell out of it. Today, as dispersed and disconnected as we are because of technology, the virus forces us to work as a team. This means letting go of grudges and prejudices and the need to park your belief in individualism because your actions right now do affect others. This one time, you can’t be the only authority you listen to unless you live in the middle of nowhere with no one else around. Let’s all take some responsibility and see if we can’t minimize the harm we’re experiencing. 

In the meantime, if you’re scared beyond your wits because of your parents and grandparents, those with immune or lung complications – I hear you. I’m absolutely terrified myself, and that’s the only thing that gives me pause but while you may feel powerless – every single day you spend in self-isolation, see it as an active step of fighting the pandemic. It’s weird that sitting on your ass is the act defiance that we need – but it is. Because we’re all sacrificing something precious. In the meantime, and I know I don’t have to tell you this, don’t leave anything unsaid.

How do you feel about change?

Change is daunting. Humans by nature tend to be somewhat averse to the concept. Heck, even when it’s for the better such as moving to a bigger and better home – it’ll cause you some anxiety. Be it the new job which comes with a better pay and sure – more responsibilities. You will feel yourself pulling back and hesitating just a little bit. You may shiver from the unexpected drop in temperature as you step out of your comfort zone.

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Your Dichotomy

A Dichotomy is when you find yourself staring at is the battle between two belief systems that usually work great in unison. The mature settler and the immature dreamer. We need the first to progress in life but the latter makes sure we enjoy it. The first is about a concrete destination while the 2nd pronounces the journey and hopes for an epic end – an end that may not come to realisation. Yes, we need both, but there are times when life makes you choose. Who do you choose?

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Parsons Green terror attack

Parsons green inspired me to write about something I love talking about – politics. Just not on this blog. This blog is about something different entirely, more about life than the factors that govern it. I like the simplicity of it and I strongly compartmentalize when it comes to making these necessary distinctions to keep my posts about what they are. I am not interested in treading those muddy waters here. No discussion of policy, our state leaders or foreign affairs – just an observation.

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Choose friends wisely

You can’t choose family; you are stuck with the one you were born with but you choose friends. I for sure was a kid who would have loved to disown one of my strange uncles but blood runs thick. This is however not the case when it comes to your social network. It is an interesting dynamic; as a kid you socialise mainly with your cousins but this changes as you grow older. With age, you have a say as to who is welcome in your life and who isn’t; these decisions shape you. It’s a control that you have over your own life that you should exercise. These people can make or break you.

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Mindset glasses

A mindset is what I see as metaphorical-philosophical glasses. That is what it is, I refuse to change the name into something that I can actually say out loud; mindset glasses. You may wear a different pair each day. One drastically different to the one you wear on a Friday night to the one you wear on a Monday morning. They paint your day, your week, and/or your years to come.

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Collecting clutter and attaching meaning

Attaching meaning to pointless crap is a habit. When your phone alerts you that your storage is full. So you manually look through your apps, pics and vids to find stuff that is ultimately unnecessary. I keep my phone tight as these alerts are devastating.  It’s a huge drag to stop, take the time, analyse and make decisions you’d rather not. Say every few months to take a retrospective peek and find thousands of files you have to look through. So quite literally every week during my commute to or back from work, I scroll through all my garbage and do one thing; de-clutter, move those worth something onto my external hard drive and have my phone nice and clean.
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